Disciplined Upbrigning
When Hazrat Zubair’s (ra) father Awwam passed away, Naufal bin Khuwailid used to look after Hazrat Zubair (ra). When Hazrat Zubair (ra) was a child, Hazrat Safia (ra) – Hazrat Zubair (ra)’s mother – would hit him or scold him. Upon this, Naufal, i.e., his uncle, would say to Hazrat Safia(ra), “Why do you hit and scold your children as if you are angry with them.” Upon this, Hazrat Safia (ra) read the following couplets:
مَنْ قَالَ إِنِّي أُبْغِضُهٗ فَقَدْ كَذَبْ
وَ إِنَّمَا أَضْرِبُهٗ لِكَيْ يَلَبْ
وَ يَهْزِمَ الْجَيْشَ وَ يَأتِيَ بِالسَّلَبْ
وَ لَا يَكُنْ لِمَالِهٖ خَبْاٌ مُخَبْ
يَأْكُلُ فِي الْبَيْتِ مِنْ تَمْرٍ وَّ حَبْ
Meaning, “Whoever says I am angry with him, he is a liar – For I beat him so that he may become courageous and defeat armies and return with the spoils of the dead; I do this lest he takes his wealth and retreats into seclusion, eating dates and bread.”
(al-Isabah Fi Tamyeez al-Sahabah, Vol. 2, p. 458, Zubair (ra) bin al-Awwam, Dar-ul-Kutub al-Ilmiyyah, Beirut, 1995)
Nevertheless, this was her mindset and she brought up her child accordingly, so that he becomes courageous.
It is not necessary for us to commend this and say that this was a good method. Nowadays, we see that generally this decreases the self-esteem of the children. Nonetheless, Allah the Almighty protected him from any ill effects of this beating and strictness. A mother’s maternal affection is a natural phenomenon, undoubtedly she loved him as well and it was not the case that she only beat him. Furthermore, events that occurred later demonstrate that bravery and courage were indeed a part of Hazrat Zubair’s (ra) character.
Allah knows best as to the cause of this. Nevertheless, there was no negative impact due to this treatment in his childhood. If anyone tries this here today, the social services will show up immediately and take the children away. Therefore, mothers should not try to emulate this practice.